February 2012
1 post
Megan Amram: Solo Valentine's Day →
meganamram:
For a holiday invented by Mary Todd Lincoln and a yellow M&M according to this Wikipedia page on “Valentine’s Day” I just wrote, Valentine’s Day sure can be a drag. It just makes you feel so alone if you’re not lucky enough to have a significant other or committed conjoined twin (I only have a…
January 2012
1 post
December 2011
5 posts
fromoutofnowheremedia:
Part Two of our...
fromoutofnowheremedia:
Part one of a special...
October 2011
1 post
5 tags
July 2011
3 posts
Watch
Watch
May 2011
4 posts
Today I got in a fight with an 84 year old lady...
Beatrix: *tapping spoon on cup and singing* monkeys everywhere, monkeys everywhere.
Old Lady: What rude children. No manners.
Kelly: (to Gram) I'm ignoring that.
Gram: What?
Old Lady: (louder) What rude children. NO MANNERS.
Kelly: Bea, can you stop for a minute, you're bugging someone.
Beatrix: (stops)
Kelly: (turns around) She's TWO.
Old Lady: *shaking her head*
Kelly: SHE'S TWO.
Old Lady: *shaking her head*
Kelly: *nods her head*
Old Lady: My children never did that.
Kelly: You look like you might have a bad memory.
Watchifloveisnotenough:
fuckyeahviagra:
Lady Gaga Presents - Born This Way Acapella (HBO)
I think this is my favorite version of this song.
April 2011
4 posts
eject: Two Things I Consistently read from... →
kellyoxford:
“In Canada you DIE waiting for an MRI!” No, but in Canada you can wait awhile for a free MRI for your bum knee you fucked up playing tennis while people with cancer use the machines OR you can pay to have an MRI right away. Unfortunately I’ve known 3 people who’ve been diagnosed with cancer…
March 2011
2 posts
eject: An Open Letter To Another Canadian Mother →
Kelly, keep telling it like it is&that mothers are actually people too not programmed automata, spewing hackeyed psych claptrap
February 2011
1 post
January 2011
4 posts
BLOOD LIBEL
lovingtoday:
I have obtained a copy of an early draft of Sarah Palin’s now infamous blood libel speech.
eject: HOW TO BUY A GUN IN CANADA, AND OTHER... →
kellyoxford:
The majority of pro-gun Americans seem to always be chanting ‘It’s my RIGHT!’
Do these people realize that in Canada you also have the right to own a gun and ammo? IT’S TRUE!!! Oh, but I hate to tell you that your freedoms are encroached because silencers are illegal, ‘cause those are for…
There is no need for anyone to carry a gun. I can’t think of a single instance...
November 2010
4 posts
Watchbrettgelman:
Now you really fucked up cadence robbers.
Saw Brett do the Cadence Thieves bit @UCBTLA in August. He’s really scary. I was glad he never noticed me looking at him. I’d have cried if he started on me! He’s got huge stage presence and was funny as hell. I’m just glad I wasn’t picked out and ripped up!
Wife listening to her husband talk to himself as...
James: Are they going to scream and cry like this every time Oprah shows them something?
James: Why are they crying?
James: That bag looks like a piece of shit. What are those? Slippers?
James: I thought these shoes were custom made. How are they giving them out without knowing their sizes?
James: ♬ We're fat ladies dancing ♬
James: Oh My God.
James: "Oh mothafucka! A cashmere blanket? OH LAWD!"
*he's quiet for 2 mins, I look over and he's asleep*
Kelly: You can't go to sleep
James: I can't watch this, how can they do this for a whole hour?
James: They should all have to wear the sweaters.
James: Gettin' it! Gettin' it! SOLD! Where's the fucking phone. I want that knife. Isn't that what this is? Get Oprah on the phone.
James: Now everyone gets macaroni and cheese. Gifts are degrading now, they got a $2000 watch 10 mins ago.
James: I hope you're writing this down Kelly. Ghirardelli's Brownie Mix.
James: I'm calling my lawyer. Oprah was looking at me when she just said "You're all getting one"
James: All those ladies are like 'Who the fuck is Jay-Z'
James: "Oh muthafucka, that is some good macaroni and cheese."
James: That lady has no idea what Netflix is, she thinks she just won a movie studio. Look at her crying and making prayer hands! It's $8 a month lady.
James: Did Oprah seriously just say 'my favorite workout pants'
James: Is this show live in Chicago? I wonder how many people got rolled for their stuff when they left.
James: Well that was stupid.
Kelly: What was your favorite thing?
James: When it ended.
October 2010
9 posts
eject: Recently ABC’s ‘Modern Family’ showed a... →
kellyoxford:
Recently ABC’s ‘Modern Family’ showed a modest gay kiss between two characters who are raising a child and in a loving relationship. There was lead-up press for this. The episode was called ‘THE KISS’. It was a big deal for this kiss to be on the air.
Last week FOX’s ‘Glee’ showed two underage…
amanda fucking palmer: the mutation of... →
amandapalmer:
i was reading an interview that neil did with new york magazine (it’s really good, and extensive…you can read it HERE) and i came across this…. “I’m fascinated watching the fact that I have a fiancée whose public and private boundaries are absolutely different to mine. If she was completely…
Watcherockappel:
Hey, remember that Undercover Karaoke video I made with Jewel? Well, it is now going to be spun off into a television series for TBS! Here’s the announcement from Deadline Hollywood…
TBS Back In Reality Game With Funny Or Die’s ‘Undercover Karaoke’
EXCLUSIVE: TBS is reentering the unscripted arena with a pilot order for Undercover Karaoke (working title), a half-hour...
September 2010
8 posts
Watcheyethune:
“How To Write A Piece For The Tonight Show”
Clever, meta .. and Nicks always good to look at! :)
Watcherockappel:
williebhines:
Jesum crow this is funny.
vincentpeone:
I shot this in my bathing suit.
collegehumor:
Summer of Music: Too Many Pools. It’s possible to be too baller.
WOW! Great work everyone involved with this! So funny AND well done!
This is really REALLY awesome
Watcherockappel:
“EVERYTHING (Ep. 11)”
I was so excited when Danny Jelinek and Jason Whetzell asked me to participate in this month’s episode of “EVERYTHING” for Channel 101! Unfortunately, I was out of town and had to miss the screening (it would have been nice to see my piece on the big screen) but thanks to the power of the world wide web (the internet) I got to check it out the next day, and...
Geek A Week: Week 29 Gets "Weird" →
jawboneradio:
Next week is another big week for the project, as I am adding one of the most influential geeky musicians of the past 25 years to the Geek A Week trading card deck. None other than “Weird Al” Yankovic.
I’ll save all my praise and adulation for next week when I do my official write up,…
Watcherockappel:
This is Scott Gairdner’s first original video as a writer/director at Funny or Die. It is fucking brilliant! Scott Gairdner is a genius! This sketch looks like it belongs on television. The writing, directing and editing is so polished, it’s astonishing that it all comes from ONE GUY! He even acts in it!
I’m telling you right now - hop on board the Scott Gairdner train, so...
March 2010
1 post
February 2010
1 post
"The Bystander Effect" AKA: People are Assholes....
kellyoxford:
One hundred meters ahead of me was a paraplegic man struggling with his head rest that had come off it’s tubing. Unable to lift his arms high enough to maneuver the thing, he was trying to do it with his head, with absolutely zero success. This was something I noticed a lot with the neuro patients I had, nursing aids not completely finishing their work. Most are over worked and...
January 2010
1 post
